tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post8372644956488482161..comments2023-11-12T20:59:55.490-05:00Comments on Building a Jewish Life: Exposing the Emotional Abuse of Conversion CandidatesKochavahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11841373131402987905noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-34941805273622621462022-11-28T17:56:57.758-05:002022-11-28T17:56:57.758-05:00I know it's old post but it's all true.
I...I know it's old post but it's all true. <br />I was in one "Orthodox" synagogue for two years and I tried to do everything right. But there was many entitled people who were mean to me, openly mean woman screaming without a reason. I was emotionally abused, of course. Gossiping about me? Sure. I was every Shabbat Service and tried to be friends with one of the Rabbi who said inAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-46753469368649168022015-10-08T13:19:10.040-04:002015-10-08T13:19:10.040-04:00I find the conversion process most challenging and...I find the conversion process most challenging and have been at it for sixteen months, but unfortunately, I'm caught in the cycle of abuse. My Rabbi has done everything from accusing me of "elevating myself to the status of a prophet" (when I am shy with the congregation, sitting in the last row of the sanctuary, and didn't even know what is the definition of a Jewish prophet), Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08257307684258682672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-3660907248970980782014-12-03T20:02:36.294-05:002014-12-03T20:02:36.294-05:00How do we reach you to get access to the materials...How do we reach you to get access to the materials?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-42628860161605529622014-07-03T10:23:40.805-04:002014-07-03T10:23:40.805-04:00regarding my previous (attempted) submission, plea...regarding my previous (attempted) submission, please note that it was taken from chabad.org, hilchot issurei biah from the rambam, translation by eliyahu touger, published by moznaim press. thanks<br />The content in this page is produced by Chabad.org, and is copyrighted by the author and/or Chabad.org. If you enjoyed this article, we encourage you to distribute it further, provided that you do Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-39218427149711373672014-07-03T07:47:40.845-04:002014-07-03T07:47:40.845-04:00Share
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Issurei Biah - Chap...<br />Share<br />Print<br /> E-mail<br />« Previous<br />Issurei Biah - Chapter Thirteen<br />Next »<br />Issurei Biah - Chapter Fifteen<br />Halacha 1<br />What is the procedure when accepting a righteous convert? When one of the gentiles comes to convert, we inspect his background.1 If an ulterior motive for conversion is not found,2 we ask him:3 "Why did you choose to convert? Don't Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-15249145600662163982014-05-30T02:17:40.001-04:002014-05-30T02:17:40.001-04:00Bravo, Anonymous! It's that very fighting spi...Bravo, Anonymous! It's that very fighting spirit which is drawing me to Judaism!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-81326799353566797372014-03-27T15:07:45.768-04:002014-03-27T15:07:45.768-04:00What is appropriate is for all of the sweet, right...What is appropriate is for all of the sweet, righteous people on this site to start acting with strength and confidence and to truly be "Israel." The Hebrew definition of "Israel" is one who struggles and fights with God/Power/Injustice. He/She is active, a fighter, someone willing to "Cross over." <br />In practice this means that we should not be passive and come Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-48090094180822096002014-03-03T13:00:05.397-05:002014-03-03T13:00:05.397-05:00Ugh...this makes me so sad :( But I'm so happy...Ugh...this makes me so sad :( But I'm so happy that you have such a good attitude and have come so far. Your points are insightful and well-taken. I'll have to check out that book for adding to my book recommendations! Be strong :)Kochavahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11841373131402987905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-47289969660572017692014-02-24T12:34:02.374-05:002014-02-24T12:34:02.374-05:00I converted over 8 years ago and was emotionally a...I converted over 8 years ago and was emotionally abused by my rabbi. He made promises he didn't keep, he came on to me and accused me of coming on to him and told his wife that, then changed his mind about helping me, then ignored me, then felt guilty and sent me to the bet din and I converted. He tried to make me think I was crazy and at one point demanded I enter into deep psychotherapy Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-73005342028147732952013-12-27T01:02:37.746-05:002013-12-27T01:02:37.746-05:00My conversion experience was normal and respectful...My conversion experience was normal and respectful, but I underwent a Conservative conversion, and my impression is that a lot of the worst abuses that often come up here are much rarer in heterodox circles because the power dynamic isn't nearly as lopsided as it is when one is dealing with the current Orthodox conversion system. It's somewhat ironic that the very thing some people Diplogeekhttp://www.diplogeek.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-91021262009862504992013-12-09T18:30:51.898-05:002013-12-09T18:30:51.898-05:00"Do you think that accurately reflects the em..."Do you think that accurately reflects the emotional abuse that happens in the community? What do you think is the cause and how can we cure it?"<br /><br />I think (speaking/writing as a convert myself) how one defines an "occurrence of emotional abuse" depends upon the person's perspective and level of maturity at the time of the occurrence. People who go through the Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-70092036758874967672013-12-09T16:17:33.118-05:002013-12-09T16:17:33.118-05:00I am a mature Canadian woman adding my two cents....I am a mature Canadian woman adding my two cents...<br /><br />It seems to me that as long as Orthodox conversions remain unstructured and therefore highly subjective in nature, there will be room for mishaps and hurt feelings. Add to the mix the fact that the Rabbis are trying to imposed black and white halacha onto people who are going through a very emotionally and spiritually challenging Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10492488579934766942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-11917003575882306662013-12-04T17:27:28.485-05:002013-12-04T17:27:28.485-05:00Scary stuff. I met with the Rabbi who will overse...Scary stuff. I met with the Rabbi who will oversea my conversion a couple of weeks ago. I asked him outright about emotional abuse and who to turn to in case of need.<br /><br />He replied it doesnt happen ( ha ha ) in his Beth Din and if I become aware of it to speak up.<br /><br />I have no problem doing that ( am a forensic psychologist ) and if I do see patterns forming I will do something Dollynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-57567194255050045252013-12-03T20:10:50.375-05:002013-12-03T20:10:50.375-05:00My spouse had 2 conversions -- Reform and traditio...My spouse had 2 conversions -- Reform and traditional -- both were lovely in their own ways. Both rabbis were supportive, informative, and amazingly kind. When he tried an Orthodox conversion, it was costly--in terms of time and money. I was only too delighted when he abandoned this line of inquiry. I was just appalled at the abuse.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-11111954312935147492013-12-03T13:50:25.030-05:002013-12-03T13:50:25.030-05:00Orthodox Jews are not the official spokespeople fo...Orthodox Jews are not the official spokespeople for Judaism, although many think that they are. If you study the biblical sources relating to conversion you will find that the typical Orthodox way really has little to do with what Hashem has expressed about conversion, as well as how conversions were handled throughout most of Jewish history. Orthodox Jews are not the ones you need to worry aboutMikenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-18528677119990185352013-12-03T13:31:26.653-05:002013-12-03T13:31:26.653-05:00Our second go at conversion was actually quite ple...Our second go at conversion was actually quite pleasant and a wonderful experience. We learned lots, we asked lots of questions, and we were never made to feel that our devotion was being questioned simply because we had questions or doubts throughout the process. A conversion is a radical change in ones identity. How could one go through that without questioning all kinds of things along the wayMikenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-48392515991801096652013-12-03T12:04:39.628-05:002013-12-03T12:04:39.628-05:00Hi,
I so much feel for you. I am in a similar sit...Hi,<br /><br />I so much feel for you. I am in a similar situation (minus family), waiting years and years to hear more than "well, we'll see" from the orthodox rabbi, never being invited, never "good enough" to participate in anything. I have given up on orthodox conversion now and am pursuing a liberal conversion even though I also do not feel at home in this community. wknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-31669024896179483552013-12-03T11:48:44.616-05:002013-12-03T11:48:44.616-05:00On the whole, my conversion process was not trauma...On the whole, my conversion process was not traumatic in the ways that I have heard from other converts. However, the clear imbalance of power, the fact that information is often hidden or not clearly communicated, and the reality that no court, no matter how sympathetic can really understand things from the perspective of the convert, makes this situation difficult even in the best of times. I Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-25315272587793891682013-12-03T07:22:52.482-05:002013-12-03T07:22:52.482-05:00That is an excellent question! While I don't t...That is an excellent question! While I don't think everyone would say they went through "emotional abuse," I would say the overwhelming majority would say they experienced rudeness, arbitrariness, or a disregard for their emotions at one or more points. Based on what I hear from others, I would say that a majority of people (whether that's a big majority or not, I don't knowKochavahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11841373131402987905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-43649439059207183302013-12-03T04:41:57.937-05:002013-12-03T04:41:57.937-05:00Does anyone go through a "normal" respec...Does anyone go through a "normal" respectful conversion process anymore? I'd like to hear about it if anyone has a good story to share about a recent conversion. When I was studying for orthodox conversion back in 2003, I had the most amazing, challenging yet inspirational experience thanks to the awesome Rabbi I was privileged to learn from. I hate to think that such experiences noAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-34623339976185473782013-12-02T23:45:03.011-05:002013-12-02T23:45:03.011-05:00Thanks for sharing this! I have never heard of suc...Thanks for sharing this! I have never heard of such a thing happening, how awful! Kochavahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11841373131402987905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-54710530931911633402013-12-02T23:37:58.988-05:002013-12-02T23:37:58.988-05:00If people did, I might not be able to publish the ...If people did, I might not be able to publish the comment. I am hesitant to publish any names or organizations if I can't personally verify the information. Kochavahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11841373131402987905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-6968229726465529152013-12-02T23:29:39.901-05:002013-12-02T23:29:39.901-05:00This...http://kolbishaerva.wordpress.com/2013/05/0...This...http://kolbishaerva.wordpress.com/2013/05/01/three-men-and-a-mikvah-part-1/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-64333623077237660332013-12-02T18:00:39.164-05:002013-12-02T18:00:39.164-05:00I do wish people would name names of the abusive r...I do wish people would name names of the abusive rabbis and bet-dins. There are people who care, and who would attempt to help.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5292734369805726323.post-13247522223506515612013-12-02T16:50:25.796-05:002013-12-02T16:50:25.796-05:00"Do you think that accurately reflects the em..."Do you think that accurately reflects the emotional abuse that happens in the community? What do you think is the cause and how can we cure it? "<br /><br />I forgot to address this in my previous post.<br /><br />Yes, "emotional abuse" is a good choice of words.<br /><br />The cause? Many Beis Dins are pressured into behaving the way they do by the Rabanut in Israel who willMikenoreply@blogger.com