How I Learn Jewish Songs

If you're at all like me, you spend a lot of time quietly hoping no one will notice that you're not singing along. 

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I'm not good at songs. Or singing. But I could be better, and I'm trying. Really only because now I feel an obligation to teach my children to be the little FFBs they are.

My problem is words. I'm not a fast Hebrew reader even when I can move at my own pace, much less with the pressure of a tune or other people to keep up with. Even after about 15 years in the Jewish community, I just don't know that many songs from memory, whether in davening or at the Shabbos table. Sure, I know tunes and can hum along with the best of 'em, and I might know (or think I know) some words here and there. I even know some songs, like Shalom Aleichem (and most songs on the radio), yet cannot sing them unless I'm singing with other people. I literally cannot remember the words except during the act of singing. What's up with that, brain??

But there's hope! I've been using a multimedia approach to tackle songs, ostensibly for the purpose of teaching these songs to my toddler. She rarely sings along, and when she does, she mangles the words as much as I ever have. But she's got time. She'll learn eventually, and I could use the education too.

Here's my approach, and maybe it (or something similar) will help you too.

Step 1: Pick a song. 

Any song. But only one. Pick one you'll use frequently. Personally, I started with Adon Olam and thought that was a great choice. Modeh Ani is a very short and simple one. Shalom Aleichem would be another useful one, as would Eishet Chayil. Learn it well before moving on to another song. The only exception would be realizing mid-learning that you need to learn a holiday song (aka, my last-minute panic at realizing my toddler would now be the youngest talking person at the Pesach seder).

How long does this take? 

Depends on your brain, your consistency, the song, your past experience with the song, and your current exposure to learning the song. In other words, I can't tell you. Modeh Ani took me about 3 days; I knew the words but not the tune. Adon Olam took for about two months; I knew the tune but not the words. Chanting V'Ahavta (from the Shema) has taken at least two months so far because my voice doesn't want to cooperate with the chant. The Four Questions took about two weeks. I'll keep plodding along, adding a new song here and there. We have a lifetime to learn, and this is one of the easier, least pressured, and fun things to learn!

Step 2: Locate a YouTube video of it that works for your brain and learning style and sing along with it 1-3 times a day until you know it really well. 

Especially in the early days, I find only one hearing leaves me feeling like I'd just started getting my feet under me. I usually do at least a second sing-along, but I don't do more than three. We have lives to live. And your brain needs time to process. Come back tomorrow for another round. Feel free to move to one time a day once you feel like you have your sea legs.

I get distracted by music videos and prefer having the words in front of me, with it indicating where they are in the song. I've found two accounts particularly helpful. One is Hebrew-only: Brian Shamash. The other is both transliteration and Hebrew: Prayer-eoke by The YouTube Rabbi (it's kol isha, sung by a woman, if that's something you do).

In the beginning, you may find that you're singing only a word here and there. That's fine. You'll gain a little more each day. You'll be behind the song, you won't hit the notes right, you'll start to say the wrong word. It'll come together. But it may take a while. As I said, I began with Adon Olam, and I used the video for about 6 weeks, maybe a little more.

On Shabbat, sing what you know without the use of YouTube if you're shomer Shabbat. If you don't remember any, that's ok. You can try singing it from written lyrics if that helps. If it's not going to work, skip it. Practicing 6 days a week and not the seventh isn't going to hamper your progress appreciably.

A nota bene: If this is a prayer, sing it as you will sing it in davening. Don't worry about substituting Elokim or Hashem. This is for your education. If this makes you uncomfortable, talk with your rabbi about it. Personally, I cannot learn something with substitutions, and that's even a machloket in my home. My husband is really good with substitutions, so he does them when teaching our toddler something, the Shema for instance. From my perspective, I prefer teaching her exactly as I want her to say it. Anecdotes seem to suggest that this is common and either method works eventually, but I don't understand it. Maybe that's just my brain.

Step 2.5: If you're learning with transliteration, switch to the Hebrew text as soon as you think you can. 

Step 3: ???

Step 4: PROFIT!!1!

Sorry, I couldn't resist. You should know by now that I love memes.


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Step 3: Once you know the tune and words well, switch to singing from a written copy.

Find a written copy of the Hebrew text, bookmark it somehow, and keep it handy for your daily practice. I recently discovered book darts and love them!

For all our music practice, I'm really enjoying the book The Complete Jewish Songbook for Children. Obviously, it's intended for children, but I think it's a great resource for anyone. It has transliteration, Hebrew text, and an English translation. (Obviously, take all English translations with a grain of salt, especially when we're talking about poetry.) And it's all in just one spot, which is a real convenience.

I bought it used without the CD, but I think it's worth the full price. I don't say that about many books. Based on how I understood the Amazon reviews, the CD only includes snippets of songs, not the full song. They suggested YouTube anyway, but it sounded like there was a specific account that had made the songs specifically for this book. I haven't located anything like that.

But it's a scary-looking book to me, as a non-musically-inclined person. It's really a book of sheet music. Don't let that stop you.

(You can see my book dart in the first photo.)

It was published by the reform movement, back when it was the Union of American Hebrew Congregations. But I don't think movement affects the content of the book. Some tunes are more used in different movements, but several songs do have different tunes included.

Step 4: Start looking up from the page sometimes.

Not gonna lie, I discovered this step with the "help" of the into-everything toddler. It's kind of like a mini "test" of whether I can remember the next line. I always keep my finger approximately where we are so that I can easily jump back in when I look back at the page.

Step 5: You deserve a cookie!

Because now you know that song well enough to get by in any situation I can think of.


Here are some of the YouTube videos I've used so far:

• Adom Olam
• Modeh Ani (this is an earworm, be prepared to sing it all day)
• The Four Questions/Mah Nishtana (kol isha, if that's matters to you)
• Dayenu 
• V'Ahavta (from the Shema) is our current project (kol isha, if that's matters to you)

"B'ezrat Hashem"

"B'ezrat Hashem, we'll be there." 

"B'ezrat Hashem, we'll see you over Pesach."

"The party will be on Sunday, b'ezrat Hashem."

Gdwilling. That's all it means. 

Literally defined as "with Gd's help," b'ezrat Hashem is a common phrase sprinkled in conversation. It can technically be used anywhere in the sentence where an interjection would be appropriate. In practice, it's usually said at the beginning and sometimes the end of a sentence. 

It's just as common to hear people say, "Gdwilling" in English. Or not using a phrase like this at all. If you want to add either phrase, feel free to. But also don't feel pressured to. I know I felt pressured to, but I eventually came to really embrace "Gdwilling" as a common feature in my speech for its own sake. If anything, I actually feel like I say it too frequently, which is a different problem. (I hate so much repetition - words quickly lose their meaning if I say them too often in a short period of time and I begin tripping over the sounds. Like saying avocado 15 times in a row. Try it if you don't know what I'm talking about.)

One wrinkle here is seeing Bezrat Hashem in writing. People often write BH or B"H as shorthand for it. Except that those acronyms could just as well mean "Baruch Hashem" (Thank Gd). So you have to use context clues to figure out which one is meant, but neither phrase is integral to understanding the message itself and can be ignored if needed. 

What Happens at Your First Beit Din Meeting?

Before jumping into the meat of the matter, there's a big question: are you actually meeting with "the beit din" or just the representative of the beit din?

If this is your first meeting, you will almost certainly only meet with one person, the Av Beit Din most likely. And this is what we're going to assume for the purposes of this post. If you meet the full beit din, a first meeting will still look largely like this. You just get the questions from a panel of people instead of one person. (And you'll probably revisit some or all of these questions the first time you meet the full beit din too, especially the background, current situation, and motivation questions.)

You'll probably cover some pretty obvious topics:

• Your history (general life history)
• Your current life (schooling, work, living circumstances, maybe romantic relationships, maybe a general discussion about finances and the recognition that orthodoxy can create significant financial/professional demands)
• Your plans for the future (especially careers and whether they're orthodox-friendly)
• Why you want to convert
• Your family situation (how do they feel about this?)
• Why orthodoxy/this community
• Where you are religiously (this may include some basic questions)

You should hopefully also get information back from the Av Beit Din:

• How they run their process
• Financial expectations (fees, etc)
• Who will be your contact person
• When/how often you should be in touch
• When/how often you should expect to meet
• What they expect from you
• Maybe a rough timeline, but don't bet on it and any given will probably be very conservative and feel discouraging

Consider taking notes, because many of us forget everything once we leave the room. The adrenaline wears off, and all we can think is, "wait, what did he say about X?" or "did I remember to ask about Y?"

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Ask any questions you're concerned about. Don't be afraid that they're dumb questions or that you'll look dumb for asking. I guarantee they've heard almost everything. "How fast do I need to be able to read Hebrew?" is an excellent question that most people are too afraid to ask. You may be surprised at how low that bar is, which is really comforting for us slow Hebrew readers (I don't know of any beit din that requires reading with comprehension, just being able to pronounce the words from a siddur). Likewise, if you have a learning disability that affects your ability to learn to read Hebrew, talk about it. They might know something or someone who can help. Learning disabilities are common within our dayschools too! They might know something helpful.

If you have any particular concerns, please ask. Common questions include (but are not limited to):

• How do I cook food at my family's house? Visit them over Shabbat?
• Can I observe Shabbat fully? (Despite what some people will tell you, this is actually a complicated question that requires a ruling from your rabbi.)
• How close do I need to live to my synagogue? (The closer you are, generally the more expensive housing is.)
• What should I do about a specific situation at school/work/with family?
• Will I still be able to do X (particular sport, hobby, job)?
• Can I keep my pet? (Please do - you can!!)
• Can I convert here or will I need to move to another Jewish community?

Before you leave, ask what the next step is. Ask this explicitly and be sure you understand the answer. Ask any follow-up questions you need to understand his answer. If he only gives a vague answer (very common), press for more detail. What can I do between now and our next meeting? Where do you think I should focus? Do you know someone/something that could help me with Z?

Ask who you should contact with follow-up questions and how you should contact them. Do not leave without this information! You will kick yourself later.

Modeh Ani: What Is It and How Do I Make This a Habit?

The practice of saying the bracha of Modeh Ani when you first awake in the morning is one of the easiest and hardest practices to take on when you're new to orthodoxy. It's short, can be sung, and you can literally do it while still laying in your bed (and you generally should). But you have to remember to do so when you've first woken up and are still probably groggy or your adrenaline is pumping in reaction to your alarm clock. It's not a situation very conducive to remembering something totally new. 

So first off, what's Modeh Ani? It's a blessing said in the morning, upon waking, preferably while you're still in bed. 

When waking up from sleep, before washing hands, one should say:

מוֹדֶה אֲנִי האשה אומרת: מודָה לְפָנֶיךָ מֶלֶךְ חַי וְקַיָּם שֶהֶחֱזַרְתָּ בִּי נִשְׁמָתִי בְחֶמְלָה, רַבָּה אֱמוּנָתֶךָ:

I am thankful before You, living and enduring King, for you have mercifully restored my soul within me. Great is Your faithfulness. (courtesy of Sefaria)

This is the only major bracha (to my knowledge) that does not include the name of Hashem in it, and that's because you've just woken from sleep and are not physically prepared to daven properly. You haven't yet washed your hands with the bracha of netilat yadayim. 

But when you begin, you will probably forget it sometimes. Be patient and know it takes time to create a habit under these less-than-favorable circumstances. Think about how to make this habit work with your brain instead of trying to do it the way you think you "should" do it. What would work for you? Having a notecard right beside your alarm clock? Maybe right beside your phone? If your alarm is your phone, maybe setting the text of the alarm to a reminder? Setting a separate reminder on your phone? Having your spouse or roommate remind you? 

Another thing to be aware of is that it can be very hard to fall out of this habit because it's so easy to get distracted by the enormity of your day when you first wake up. Don't beat yourself up if this happens. Do teshuva (repent), make a new plan, and get back on the horse. Every day is a new opportunity!

I always just said Modah Ani aloud, but now that I'm teaching my toddler, I've discovered the fun of using a song version. Highly recommend, A+. This is my favorite version, especially for kids:

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It's to the tune of "You Are My Sunshine," and I frequently have this song in my head all morning long. And I don't even mind it. It's very cheering when you're not a morning person but small humans force you awake anyway.

Chabad has a recording of a more traditional tune.

Other cultures have seen the value of a practice like Modeh Ani. I particularly like this quote from the Dalai Lama, who said, "Everyday, think as you wake up, ‘today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings, I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others, I am going to benefit others as much as I can.’ "

I'm sure a Jewish source somewhere has these ideas, but I've never seen one with all these values of Modeh Ani in one place.