Tuesday, July 30, 2013

How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Question

It's wedding season! Whether you're happy or bitter about yet another wedding invitation, at least you get to enjoy some great food and hopefully have a good time!

Frum weddings are fun. My family (totally unconnected to orthodox Judaism) still swears that my wedding was the most fun wedding on the face of the earth, but little do they know that it was fairly "normal" in these circles. Frum weddings have such a spirit, a ruach, that no other event has, in my experience. Of course, you can have a bad time at a wedding, but it's rarely related to the wedding itself (if you're being honest).

And the bedeken. Can you beat the beauty and sweetness of a bedeken? C'mon now.

What a good topic to talk about, right? Well, one of the admins at BeyondBT managed to ask the question in such a way that it makes me gag. Yes, physically gag. 
Frum weddings are amazing. The energy, the joy, the dancing, the camaraderie, the segregation.
What do you like about Frum Weddings?

The segregation? Really now? Of all the great parts of a frum wedding, and that's one aspect worthy to point out as a highlight?

Is the rest of frum society not gender-segregated enough for you that you need to celebrate when it's done at a wedding? Even when not "imposed," gender segregation happens naturally of its own accord in most circles. 

And what is so wonderful about segregation? I don't get it. There is a time and place when it's better to hang out with your own gender, but since when is that time 24/7? Why should we ignore half the human population as much as possible? In my opinion, this push for segregation (since when has that word ever had a positive connotation?) is one of the most disturbing trends in the frum community. It's dangerous, and it leads to a fetishization of the other gender (especially women) that leads to all the non-tznius thoughts/reactions this is supposed to prevent. I think this is a dangerous trend that is harming our children. Unfortunately, others disagree with me.

But remember: segregated seating is NOT halachically required at a wedding. It's not. At all. Yet we have wedding halls who acknowledge this, but say they "can't" allow it because their kashrut teudat would be pulled. Yes, kashrut. Because failing to segregate your diners while they eat shows a laxity with kashrut in the kitchen. After all, they might brush elbows. Or talk to each other.

Teudat threats have happened for years with mixed dancing/not having a mechitza during dancing, but at least there's some basis for it, though it is disputed.

I don't know whether the author is male or female, and I wonder whether that makes a difference. Do you think it would mean something different coming from one gender rather than the other? Considering the "party line" of gender segregation, I don't feel that there would be a difference.

Would you like some Kool Aid? I just made a fresh batch.