Friday, April 22, 2011

Shabbat Shalom! The Bitachon Edition

Word of the day: bitachon. Most basically, it means trust. Trust in Hashem.

Being a Type A, practical-to-a-fault person, I often say that bitachon and emunah (faith) are very difficult for me.

I'm beginning to rethink that statement.

As you should all know by now, I'm moving cross-country in a week. Only today did I finally get my apartment settled (or so I think). I still need to get rid of my worldly possessions. I haven't sent out a single resume to find a job. And today was my last day of work, so I'm officially unemployed until after the bar exams at the end of July.

My dad is understandably nervous. People think that I'm very calm about making major changes in my life, but my dad is so calm that he makes me look like a nutcase. He always says, "Everything will work out." Being female, sometimes I just want to vent, and that phrase is the very last thing I want to hear. (See Rabbi Aryeh Pamensky and the Happy Wife series.) But today, I used that phrase on my dad to calm him about my move. My guess is that he took it as well as I normally do! Hahahahah...sweet revenge.

When people learn that I'm moving to NYC, the question is always: "Oh, did you get a job there?" No. No, I didn't. I haven't even started that process. (Because quite frankly, a lot of people say they will move to NYC and never do, so why should an employer believe me?) Why am I moving to NYC? Because getting my conversion requires it. Once I'd decided on this move and began researching it, I learned that it was also the best move for me objectively as a person. As a career choice and financial decision, the jury is still out.

So what do I have? Bitachon. I must. Or else I'm a certifiable nutter.


  1. Good Shabbos ;)

    This post made me smile! We (all 5 of us) are moving to MD to a community in 4 weeks. we have no job there yet. We just got our apartment settled. we are crazy. but we are going anyhow.

    I try to not let myself have panic attacks because I KNOW it is what we need to be doing. but it is scary.

  2. Wow, I'm really glad you posted this. I just realized that I am also going to need to move to New York to convert, and though I've always *meant* to, now I really have a reason to. I'm about to transfer to my third college in the fall, and while wondering on Friday afternoon whether I should apply to CUNY (yeah, a fourth...I wonder whether I'll ever graduate) for the spring or late for the fall, I started panicking! Where would I get the money? Where would I live? Should I really give up a nice Southern school that wants to pay my full tuition, in order to move to New York?

    I really hope everything works out for you!! It's scary, but exciting.

  3. I wish you all well. I moved to NY from the midwest 18 years ago and converted/orthodox, lived in Boro Park Brooklyn all that time. You need to go in understanding that "you are not in love"...this makes for one going in basically with their eyes closed. oh, yes, I was also the same way....but you must realize that after a marriage (sic) there are going to be very trying times, and times when you are going to find you are falling "out of love", just remember must not fall in "love" with the people as they will disappoint you, in many ways. I speak from very trying times when I moved there and all the time I was there. Beware, beware. Do not "count" on anyone loveing you, as you love them. You will be disappointed. Alas,you will not believe me now, but someday you will see. Best wishes, Good Yom Tov.

  4. Welcome to the big apple!! I'm in the process of converting (reform) and enjoy reading about your process. A friend of mine is doing an Orthodox conversion as well and she's great to talk with. Best of luck with your move!