Sunday, December 16, 2012

I'm Probably Going to Start Blogging Again

...Because I'm a sucker for pain, I suppose. 

I make no promises about schedules, quality, or political correctness. But if anyone decides to get stalkerish again, you'll be hearing from the police, my lawyer, and 150lbs of angry dogs. I bet even the three legged cat will get in on that.

However, I don't yet plan to put my email address back up on the "About" page. I get too involved when people ask for advice, and I'll spend hours answering emails if I let myself. So...I'll just avoid it for now. Honestly, I shouldn't be getting back into the blogging world. I lead a surprisingly quiet and positive blogging life until near the very end, when the trolls began to appear here. I don't know how they missed me for so long, but it seems they did. I hate trolls. I don't have a thick enough skin for that junk. I foolishly believe trolls will eventually see reason if you explain yourself enough, but that's not true. And then I begin to lose hope in humanity again. Let's see if we can avoid crushing my hopes and dreams, mmmkay?


Since I stopped blogging, I've been leading a very quiet Jewish life. I have all my paperwork now and am too legit to quit. Despite the shidduch crisis, I managed to find myself a quality husband. (I suppose that means I'm halfway done with my purpose in life? ::RimshotOfShame::) Life settled into a routine, minus the getting married part. And the getting laid off because of the economy part. But life goes on.

I was shocked last Shabbat when I realized that it had been many months since I had been asked to tell "my story" at a Shabbos meal. When I first came to New York, and really up until the time my conversion was finalized, every meal had someone new, and people seem to think I tell a good story. (And they know I'm willing to talk about it.) Eventually, life settled down, and I had met almost everyone in my community. And my conversion problems became old news. I became, dare I say it, normal.

But then I had a table full of people who'd never heard any part of my story. And I realized that I missed advocating for conversion candidates, talking to one person at a time. I'm Southern, and I definitely inherited the storytelling gene. There is still plenty to be angry about, and there don't seem to have been any changes since I started railing against the system a little over two years ago. There's a fine lashon hara line when you're railing against a system with so few players. People can figure out who you're talking about even if you try to be careful with details. I can't say I'm disinterested or that I'm not tempted by the yetzer hara to hurt those who have hurt me. But I also believe that the circumstances I was able to overcome can and will happen again, and that not everyone is as stubborn or as resourceful as I am (with a dash of incredible luck). We will lose good Jewish neshamas, and we have already lost many due to insanity in the orthodox conversion world. Not to mention causing unnecessary pain to good people. It's wrong. And that makes me furious. And it should make you furious too!


So that's probably why I can't stay away from this blog. But I can't promise anything either. Well, except that I can promise you will suffer if you stalk me. 

Despite not blogging for six months, the blog still gets about 18,000 page views a month, so clearly there is some kind of need for my Negative Nancyness. Better add rainbows and unicorns to the list of things I can't promise you. But maybe I'll make you laugh. And maybe you'll learn something. And maybe you'll learn more about the problems in the conversion world and stand up for those who either can't stand up for themselves or don't know enough to know that something is very, very wrong here. Conversion should not be hidden. It should not be taboo. And the way to break taboos is to talk about them. So let's start the conversation. 

12 comments:

  1. Very happy you're back - you've been missed! Mazal tov to you and your new husband.

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  2. Hurrah! 'Bout damn time! We missed you!

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  3. Yaaaaaaaaaay! I kept on checking in to see if you maybe posted something new, and this news makes me very happy!

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  4. Yay - it's so great you'll be back in the game! I have found so many good ressources on your page that I was sad you did stop blogging. Great you'll take it up again. Even though I am somewhat sad it won't be possible to contact you personally (no stalking, I promise), but of course I understand your reasons. Keep up the good work!

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  5. So happy to see you back and writing again! Missed your wonderful posts.
    ~Shula

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  6. Great to have you back - I'm also one of those who regularly checked for news on your blog. Keep up the good work!

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  7. i'm so happy you'll be back! :D this blog was in my feedreader the whole time, and I was so excited to see a new post, and even more excited that there'll be more to come :) this blog was one of the places I came to most when i started this process.

    - Chana, giyoret-in-training.

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  8. Welcome back! Even though you really didn't go anywhere, you needed a little break, I'm sure.

    So we (your readers), never left either. We were here the whole time anticipating your return to the blogging world.

    Mazel Tov on your to you and your husband.

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  9. Welcome back and thank you! Meg

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  10. I like you and your blog so much. When i read your writings, it always puts a smile on my face. I'm glad you're planning to blog regularly again. As you said, lets start the conversation. And finally, Mazel tov to you and your man! Blessings.

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  11. I get your blog posts on my google reader. So every time you've got a new post I get to read it without having to stalk your blog. I'm happy you're back. Your blog is one of the few that I like and read every sentence without skipping through. Yes, you're indeed a good storyteller.

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  12. I just discovered your blog - thank you! While I have much to catch up on here, I am glad this will continue as my husband and I are (G-d Willing) on the path to conversion soon. This site is certainly a great resource.

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