So today, in a sure sign of laziness, I bring you an old joke. If you're going to convert, you have to know this joke. You're going to hear it 1,000 times. There are minor differences in the storyline, but the joke below is a fair representation. In fact, I've cobbled three different versions together.
Moshe is talking to his friend Victor. "As you know, Victor, my daughter Rifka is getting married soon and because you’re not only my friend, but have also been my chavrusa (study partner) for nearly nine years, I would like to ask you to act as a witness under her chuppah. What do you say?"Har har har, right?
"I'm sorry, Moshe," replies Victor looking sad, "I know it’s an honor, but I can’t accept. I'm not Jewish."
"What do you mean you’re not Jewish??" says Moshe. "You've been coming to shacharis every morning for over ten years and you've been my chavrusa for nearly as long. I don’t understand."
"Well," says his friend, "I find shul to be very spiritually fulfilling, and the learning is the best intellectual stimulation around, to say nothing of this wonderful community. I've devoted my life to the mitzvot, but I've never actually got around to converting."
"But hold on a minute, Victor," says Moshe. "Didn't we both learn in the Gemara, only a few weeks ago, that if you're not Jewish, you can't keep the Shabbes?"
"Oh, don't worry," says his friend. "I don't keep Shabbat fully. You see, every Friday night, I put a key in my pocket so that I will carry on Shabbat."
"So? Our community has an eruv."
"Feh," says his friend. "I don't hold by that eruv!"