I have yet to see anyone anywhere discuss this topic: what if you question the validity of your own conversion? Quite frankly, that's everything converts want to avoid!
The LAST thing a convert wants is someone else to question his or her conversion, which may throw his or her life into a real mess! (Not to mention the lives of a significant other and/or children!) This creates the ultimate reason to push any concerns about the validity of your conversion to the back of your mind, ignoring them or chalking them up to something you don't understand about halacha. However, if you do have a concern about your conversion, it's better to address the issue yourself and now. The sooner you address your concerns, the less issues will exist with spouses and children. (Most concerns will be clearly evident to you immediately or within the first few conversations afterwards.) And in my opinion, it's much better to address any concerns yourself rather than knowing you have a potential time bomb and waiting for someone else to challenge it!
Thankfully, you have many options to "correct" a questionable conversion, no matter your movement.
There are several steps:
A. You're probably pretty angry. I can't blame you. Take some time. Cool off. I don't recommend talking to your rabbi, the converting rabbi, or anyone else about it for a little while. If you end up switching to a different rabbi later, you may even be told not to tell to the old rabbi about your concerns (particularly if the "old" rabbi won't take them seriously).
B. Figure out how to articulate what you think was wrong with your conversion. It's probably pretty simple when you think about it. The most common culprits I can think of are...
- Rabbi wasn't qualified by the movement you're converting with (more so an issue if your converting rabbi is different from your sponsoring rabbi or an "emergency rabbi" gets called in who actually belongs to a different movement).
- Rabbi has "gone off the deep end" within that movement (this is the issue that can emerge later).
- Being expected to lie during your beit din. In other words, asking questions with a "hint hint, nudge nudge, know what I mean?" attitude. Whether or not you actually mean the answer the beit din "wants," the fact that they expect you to not tell the truth is a HUGE issue.
- Procedural issues with the mikvah and/or bris. This can be the easiest and least emotional to "fix."
- You may find more than one concern from this list.
- Talk to your congregational rabbi (who may or may not be the converting rabbi) about your concerns and set up a second conversion through the same group. I only recommend this if the issues were very minor and mostly procedural. A smart rabbi would probably still set you up with a different beit din just in case.
- Convert again with a different group within the same movement. In other words, switch rabbis/shuls. This may not be possible in smaller communities, so if you're set on staying with the same movement, you may have to move or wait until you move. Be careful about the passage of time creating more issues to "fix."
- Consider "going up" to a stricter movement and converting again through that movement. For example, from reconstructionist to conservative or reform to orthodox, whatever the combination may be. (I think that if you decide to "go down" movements, the average rabbi will probably tell you a second conversion isn't necessary, but I could be totally wrong.)
- If your first conversion was orthodox, consider a gerus l'chumrah through a different beit din, which is a process made specifically to remove doubt from a prior conversion.
E. Whatever you do, remember that you should be careful how, when, and where you discuss your concerns. No matter how angry you are (and you should be angry!), that does not justify lashon hara (evil speech), which governs both true negative statements and run-of-the-mill gossip.
F. I'm going to list a second warning to watch what you say because this point is SO important: Remember that any statement to anyone (even other rabbis) can bring other converts from the same converting rabbi/beit din into "questionable" status. Take your statements and actions very seriously and weigh your words carefully because you aren't the only person they affect.
You have the power to ruin other people's lives.