Reason #12 You Know You’re Crazy:
You’re unusually attached to a particular mitzvah. Mine is my mezuzot.
I couldn’t tell you why, but I bought a mezuzah case (and non-kosher scroll) in 2005. I knew I couldn’t hang it, but it stayed with me for the next 5 years. This involved 5 moves. All but one were major moves of 6+ hours, but that mezuzah always managed to stay nearby, waiting for its day to come. Once I had a date for my conservative conversion, I bought a second mezuzah case for my other entryway that needed a mezuzah and two kosher scrolls.
After my conservative conversion in February 2010, the first thing I did was hang my two little mezuzot. I had finally made my “Jewish home.” I was living in a rough area, so I was very afraid that my outdoor mezuzah would be stolen or defaced (not for anti-Semetic reasons, just drunk college kids or strung-out drug-users). Amazingly, it survived until I moved to a safer neighborhood.
My severe attachment to my mezuzot created a small panic once I realized that I needed to be Orthodox. I was afraid that my mezuzot would have to come down and go back into the drawer for the next 2-3 years or however long Conversion 2.0 takes. Understandably (and perhaps counter-intuitively), the first time I spoke to a conversion rabbi, this was my first question. I was terrified of the potential answers, but amazingly, he said I could keep them up! They will have to be taken down and re-attached once my conversion is complete, but for now, they can remain. And in fact, I have to add more to my new home.
I realize that my attachment is silly, but psychologically, I feel a greater accountability when my home is identified as a Jewish home, but it also gives me that extra feeling of “being home.”
Elle says
I totally feel this way about head covering. I've been head covering for nearly 5 yrs, and I am terrified my rabbi/bet din will say to me I must take it off until I officially convert. My head covering means so much to me that I would just burst into wailing sobs right in front of them if i was told I must remove it for a time. I could never explain why this particular mitzvah means so much to me. so I totally get what you mean.
p.s. why am I just finding your awesome site for the first time today!?!?
Anonymous says
I made seven mezuzote so far this week and I'm already planning my next batch. I made these with clay but now I'm wondering if I could learn to do something with wood or metal. My husband offered to make me some things to help. What am I going to do with all these? I have no idea but I seem to enjoy making them.